I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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