I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
