Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
