I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
