I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
