i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All I want is dick and wine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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