I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
