are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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