I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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