Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
