My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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