she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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