yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
