sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
