you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
