Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
