who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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