Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
