so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
