Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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