u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
