this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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