i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
