I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
