I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
