i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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