Me too!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize