so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
