you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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