Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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