I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
