why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you would pick up someone in the library
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
