You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its not stalking. its research.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
