Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
