I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
