We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize