ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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