have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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