Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
