I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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