Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
