Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
