the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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