I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
