I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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