I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just blew my weed a kiss
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
