I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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