Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My pussy is not your playground.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
