I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.