i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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