That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
