can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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