Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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