I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
