Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
