what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
