thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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