I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
