it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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