i just made my gag reflex go away.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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