Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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