you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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