the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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