I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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