dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
