There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
